Every time I turn around I have to toss something. Maybe it's an envelope, a receipt from the grocery store, or the empty Starbucks cup. Or it might be a relatively large thing that takes some ingenuity to dispose of, like a defunct vacuum cleaner or the water fountain that toppled over and crashed on the patio. At other times, there are the things that only I seem to notice, like dust on the piano, dog hair on the bedspread, and crumbs under the toaster.
Of course, most of us regularly put out our trash each week to be picked up and hauled away, and there is usually a recycling day when we place a different bin at the curb. And while there seems no end in sight to the things we are getting rid of, our consumer habits guarantee we will still have plenty of junk.
As I've become more aware of the dwindling number of years ahead of me, this trash problem is a nagging one. My new home is much smaller and before I moved here, I donated carloads and truckloads of furniture and clothes, books and "treasures." Yet I'm still longing to further reduce my possessions. I find that it isn't simple to simplify your life. Poring through boxes and folders is no mean endeavor. It wearies me. Having to read slips of paper to make sure I don't throw something important away makes my brain hurt. This is not the way I want to spend one minute of the precious days I have.
Growing up in the 1950s in rural Pennsylvania, we had no "waste disposal services." It seems we didn't have much trash at all. I walked out to the edge of a field and tossed potato peels and melon rinds. A few times each year I would walk into the middle of a wood where there was a crater full of things disposed of over the years. It was our own landfill.
I think we didn't have much trash because in the 1950s, we hardly ever bought new things. We had Shoenberger's General Store which carried whatever anyone needed in its modest building. I remember dungarees and overalls, boots and shoes, and socks and underwear. Mr. Shoenberger also sold basic grocery items and the Sunday paper. Even the New York Times!
No malls to blight the rolling hills in those days. Can you even imagine life without the shopping mall and the terrible waste of time so many of us have spent there? No huge warehouses like Costco and no superstores like Target and Walmart. We see all this stuff wherever we go. When our eyes see it, our brains think, "Oh, I need that," or "Oh, I always wanted one of those."
The last weeks of summer before school started, Mom began the task of lowering the hems of skirts and dresses I had worn the previous year and restitching them. If I had grown outward as well as upward, we visited a dressmaker in the neighboring town of Brodheadsville. A few days before school began, there would be a drive to see Norma who had a beauty salon in her home and who gave me a new haircut. Then came the long-awaited trip to Stroudsburg to purchase school supplies and to try on dresses and skirts, jumpers and blouses, in a shop where I would parade around in front of Mom and the shop lady. (Note: A jumper was a vested sleeveless garment worn with a blouse underneath.) It was a glorious and exciting day, topped off with a "brown cow" at the soda fountain in Wyckoff's Department Store. (A brown cow today is known as a root beer float.)
Over the years our home never changed its basic appearance. For all those years of my childhood, our furniture, wall hangings, and curtains remained the same. Mom made each room lovely in every season with arrangements of seasonal fruit and flowers and leaves. In late winter she brought in branches from a forsythia bush and placed them in a bucket of water for a few days, and then in a sunny deep-silled window. Soon the hard buds would turn green, then yellow. Soon the delicate blossoms broke forth in magnificence. It was such a thing of beauty that to this day I can still remember gazing at it in awe.
Note: If you live where there is forsythia, read this link for a tip on what my mom used to do.
http://grandpacliff.com/Plants/Forsythia-Indoors.htm
When we were experiencing the deepest, coldest winters, everyone started thinking about the gardens they would plant in springtime. So everyone bought packets of seeds or ordered them from seed catalogs. As a matter of fact, we students would sell seeds to raise money for the school. It was inevitable, too, that my mother would give seeds from plants that had done well in her garden to neighbors, and of course her friends would give her seeds from their successes, as well.
We shared a lot back then. And if anything broke, someone would always fix it. In those days, ordinary people knew how to fix everything. That meant we didn't have so much trash.
We did not live in a consumer nation then as we do now. We were family, friends, and neighbors. We treasured each other. Material things mattered only in so far as making our home lives more meaningful and our neighbors' lives better for the long run. We didn't think of our possessions in a transitory way. What we purchased would last, be around for a long time, not only for us to enjoy at the moment, but also in the future, perhaps for someone who would come after us.
* * *
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
My New Place
About a year ago, I was sharing with a friend that I needed a major change in my life. Soon after that, the place I had been renting for many years was put up for sale and sold to the first comers. The major change in my life had been decided for me.
I was allowed to live in the rental condo until the end of the lease, but as that date approached, I became frantic that I would not be able to find the right place. I had wanted to move close to family, but my closest daughter was nearly seven hundred miles away, and it was impossible for me to look at places near her within my budget. Locally, all my leads seemed to go nowhere.
One Sunday I was driving with two of my friends when we saw an open house sign near the historic Racquet Club area of Palm Springs. We were in an upbeat mood after our breakfast together, so we followed the signs to the condo. Upon entering, the smell of cigarette smoke was overwhelming and I made a mental note that this was a big no-no.
The vaulted ceiling in the "great room" was impressive as was the modern high-end decor. However, the colors were far from anything I would have chosen. Walls were painted brown throughout. Black and brown and gray furnishings were framed by 84" length vertical black blinds covering large windows on one side and another set covering the sliders to a patio. This room combined living and dining areas. An adjacent ten foot square kitchen displayed dark brown cabinets and modern appliances in black with a backsplash and walls painted brown and a black ceiling. A nice size window above the sink let in morning sun with black blinds pulled to the side. There was only one bedroom, but two full baths and a room adjacent to one of them that was considered a den, but easily could hold a twin bed and a couple of small chests of drawers.
The large bedroom's oversized high-end furniture in white did not diminish the sombre heaviness of the black that spread itself in the wall-to-wall carpet and floor-to-ceiling blinds. Black ceramic tile floors and a 60" long vanity with a black granite top and sink accented the bathroom, with impressive mirror and lighting features. The same black carpeted the den and covered the floor of the laundry/utility room that housed dual AC furnace units and a stackable washer and dryer unit as well as a gas water heater.
I'm going to skip the FHA financing and all the trouble of loan company and escrow tribulation, but in short time, I actually bought this most unlikely place. I could not sleep for weeks before I moved or after I moved. I stayed awake every night thinking about the many facets of this condo I would change if I could.
Three months later, my main focus and torment remains getting rid of the cigarette smell. What I have completed are expensive ozone treatments, dual AC duct cleaning, tile floor cleaning and resealing in great room, and bedroom walls and ceilings washed down and primed and painted twice, new carpeting installed in bedroom and den. Yet the cigarette smell persists. Other spaces also need to be painted, I realize, but I have run out of money. When cooler weather comes in October, I can leave the sliders and windows open and air out the house completely.
The color of mud has disappeared from the walls of the great room and the bedroom. Lightening up the walls to a light green in the great room and a creamy ivory in the bedroom made a huge difference in my appreciation of this new home. My cottage style furniture also gives the place a light and airy feel. The piano seems to sound better in the great room, and I'm playing and enjoying it more, too.
My brother Brendon and my friend Ida in Ireland each sent me a gift of $100 in recent weeks as gifts for my new home. I have decided that the slider doors in the great room will get a new window treatment, and that will be Ida's Window! The other large vertical windows (also with black blinds) will be Brendon's Window.
The time involved in this project concerns me. I wanted this change in my life to simplify the time I have.
Playing the piano really does help when I'm overwhelmed. The other day I came across a worship song I had not heard in thirty years. It was in a hymnal from the Presbyterian church, and I played it with tears rolling down my cheeks and singing, just barely, as I could manage.
I was allowed to live in the rental condo until the end of the lease, but as that date approached, I became frantic that I would not be able to find the right place. I had wanted to move close to family, but my closest daughter was nearly seven hundred miles away, and it was impossible for me to look at places near her within my budget. Locally, all my leads seemed to go nowhere.
One Sunday I was driving with two of my friends when we saw an open house sign near the historic Racquet Club area of Palm Springs. We were in an upbeat mood after our breakfast together, so we followed the signs to the condo. Upon entering, the smell of cigarette smoke was overwhelming and I made a mental note that this was a big no-no.
The vaulted ceiling in the "great room" was impressive as was the modern high-end decor. However, the colors were far from anything I would have chosen. Walls were painted brown throughout. Black and brown and gray furnishings were framed by 84" length vertical black blinds covering large windows on one side and another set covering the sliders to a patio. This room combined living and dining areas. An adjacent ten foot square kitchen displayed dark brown cabinets and modern appliances in black with a backsplash and walls painted brown and a black ceiling. A nice size window above the sink let in morning sun with black blinds pulled to the side. There was only one bedroom, but two full baths and a room adjacent to one of them that was considered a den, but easily could hold a twin bed and a couple of small chests of drawers.
The large bedroom's oversized high-end furniture in white did not diminish the sombre heaviness of the black that spread itself in the wall-to-wall carpet and floor-to-ceiling blinds. Black ceramic tile floors and a 60" long vanity with a black granite top and sink accented the bathroom, with impressive mirror and lighting features. The same black carpeted the den and covered the floor of the laundry/utility room that housed dual AC furnace units and a stackable washer and dryer unit as well as a gas water heater.
I'm going to skip the FHA financing and all the trouble of loan company and escrow tribulation, but in short time, I actually bought this most unlikely place. I could not sleep for weeks before I moved or after I moved. I stayed awake every night thinking about the many facets of this condo I would change if I could.
Three months later, my main focus and torment remains getting rid of the cigarette smell. What I have completed are expensive ozone treatments, dual AC duct cleaning, tile floor cleaning and resealing in great room, and bedroom walls and ceilings washed down and primed and painted twice, new carpeting installed in bedroom and den. Yet the cigarette smell persists. Other spaces also need to be painted, I realize, but I have run out of money. When cooler weather comes in October, I can leave the sliders and windows open and air out the house completely.
The color of mud has disappeared from the walls of the great room and the bedroom. Lightening up the walls to a light green in the great room and a creamy ivory in the bedroom made a huge difference in my appreciation of this new home. My cottage style furniture also gives the place a light and airy feel. The piano seems to sound better in the great room, and I'm playing and enjoying it more, too.
My brother Brendon and my friend Ida in Ireland each sent me a gift of $100 in recent weeks as gifts for my new home. I have decided that the slider doors in the great room will get a new window treatment, and that will be Ida's Window! The other large vertical windows (also with black blinds) will be Brendon's Window.
The time involved in this project concerns me. I wanted this change in my life to simplify the time I have.
Playing the piano really does help when I'm overwhelmed. The other day I came across a worship song I had not heard in thirty years. It was in a hymnal from the Presbyterian church, and I played it with tears rolling down my cheeks and singing, just barely, as I could manage.
Sometimes alleluia,
Sometimes praise the Lord,
Sometimes softly singing,
Our hearts in one accord.
* * *
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Raising children in an unkind world
Raising your children in a world full of violence is more challenging than ever before. TV shows in the mainstream have become increasingly graphic and violent and laden with sexual messages that affect all of us negatively, but especially our children. Video games, the Internet, animated films, and even some popular music bombard kids with disturbing and relentless images that insult their vulnerable hearts and minds.
Yet some parents have virtually eliminated exposure to these influences in their own home. They have consciously and unselfishly made a decision to shape the experience of their children in a positive way. They have had to give up their own exposure to TV and the Internet and become available to their children for family time activities.
The most success has come from activities that are fun and an important and regular part of family life. Learning activities that involve music, dance, table games, sports, and exercise benefit everyone.
Even with curbing such exposure, there is so much more parents can do to raise children to become caring and responsible adults.
Smiles and encouragement go a long way in family life. Take time to listen to your children and show respect for their ideas and thoughts.
Choose worthwhile books for your children. Remember that even high school students enjoy being read to by one or both parents. It is worth your time and effort. What you teach your children now will carry through to the next generation--your grandchildren!
Try the best way to teach kindness -- by example. When you are speaking of those who are not present in the room, speak well of them. The words you speak, the voice you use, your facial expressions -- all of these matter.
Although children are not born knowing how to get along with others, studies show that infants have a natural sense of empathy for others. That empathy will grow and be reinforced by the loving people who surround them. The experience of growing up in a loving home is paramount in a child's development.
Children can learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Help them express their ideas without being hostile. Provide examples of the right words to use when they feel slighted by others.
It is a beautiful thing to see a child who consciously makes an effort to get along with others. Ask any elementary teacher, and he will tell you that happy, amiable children tend to come from parents who have a gentle manner and peaceful demeanor.
Discipline without violence. If you indeed use violence, you are showing that you yourself are undisciplined. Everyone has a weak moment, but that's when self-control is in order. Whisper a prayer when you're upset and respond to a situation in the way you hope your children will respond. Children really do learn what they live.
Embrace your role as a parent with joy and wonder. Keep a smile on your face. Not everyone has the privilege of such a high calling. You are the best parent for your child.
Live your life as if someone is watching -- which is the absolute truth. Your precious child is watching you every step of the way.
Yet some parents have virtually eliminated exposure to these influences in their own home. They have consciously and unselfishly made a decision to shape the experience of their children in a positive way. They have had to give up their own exposure to TV and the Internet and become available to their children for family time activities.
The most success has come from activities that are fun and an important and regular part of family life. Learning activities that involve music, dance, table games, sports, and exercise benefit everyone.
Even with curbing such exposure, there is so much more parents can do to raise children to become caring and responsible adults.
Smiles and encouragement go a long way in family life. Take time to listen to your children and show respect for their ideas and thoughts.
Choose worthwhile books for your children. Remember that even high school students enjoy being read to by one or both parents. It is worth your time and effort. What you teach your children now will carry through to the next generation--your grandchildren!
Try the best way to teach kindness -- by example. When you are speaking of those who are not present in the room, speak well of them. The words you speak, the voice you use, your facial expressions -- all of these matter.
Although children are not born knowing how to get along with others, studies show that infants have a natural sense of empathy for others. That empathy will grow and be reinforced by the loving people who surround them. The experience of growing up in a loving home is paramount in a child's development.
Children can learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Help them express their ideas without being hostile. Provide examples of the right words to use when they feel slighted by others.
It is a beautiful thing to see a child who consciously makes an effort to get along with others. Ask any elementary teacher, and he will tell you that happy, amiable children tend to come from parents who have a gentle manner and peaceful demeanor.
Siblings can learn to treat each other with respect. Calling someone "stupid" or telling someone to "shut up" are hurtful ways of communicating. Our home needs to be a shelter from the incivility of the world.
Discipline without violence. If you indeed use violence, you are showing that you yourself are undisciplined. Everyone has a weak moment, but that's when self-control is in order. Whisper a prayer when you're upset and respond to a situation in the way you hope your children will respond. Children really do learn what they live.
Embrace your role as a parent with joy and wonder. Keep a smile on your face. Not everyone has the privilege of such a high calling. You are the best parent for your child.
Live your life as if someone is watching -- which is the absolute truth. Your precious child is watching you every step of the way.
* * *
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